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How to stay positive when the world is tying to crush you.
I just got back from California where I had to deal with my Mother passing away unexpectedly. As you can imagine, staying positive during that time was hard, to put it mildly.
If you can’t stay positive in life, life will crush you. Part of the positive attitude is a can-do attitude. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
Over the years I’ve found a couple of things that help me stay positive. Most of them I used in the last couple of weeks with my family to keep the death from pushing us all over the edge.
How to Stay Positive:
Jokes
Keep your sense of humor and joke about anything you can. I learned this in the Marine Corps above all else. Years ago in Iraq, my Marine Corps unit faced being wiped out more than once. We made jokes about “today is a good day to die” from Star Trek. Most people don’t think it’s funny but we laughed when about 100 Marines were facing a division of Iraqi tanks moving on our position.
My sister is a nurse and she finds the same gallows humor gets her through the hardest times at work. Law Enforcement is the worst and is probably caught the most.
Zig Ziglar had an old story of how his tour bus broke down and he and the crew had to move all the old sound equipment from one bus to another. Once they had everything moved, it was discovered that that bus was also broken. He gave his crew one simple thought about the triple amount of work: you know we are going to laugh about this later, we might as well laugh about it now.
I give you that same advice about laughing. You know it’s going to be funny later, you might as well laugh now.
Think into the Future
I have crazy stories about being in combat with the Marine Corps (like the one above) that are now some of the best stories. You know the hardest and craziest things in your life become some of the best stories. If you look into the future now, just think how great a story this time in your life will be later. Make it that later time.
Misery Loves Company
As you go through negative times in your life, remember to invite your friends. You know the ones that can make a joke about anything. The ones that make you smile. The ones that can help you through hard times and life in general. Life is always better with other people.
Of the worst times in combat, I knew it was going to be okay as long as I had my Marines with me. They helped me and I helped them. Fifteen years later I still talk to them and joke about crap that happened during combat.
Find Positive People
Yes, they can be annoying at times. But, they are the ones that will help you change your outlook. Also, you have to work about being positive or they won’t want to be around you.
I know because I did this. I was a very negative person years ago, but started changing about a decade ago. I’m still working on it and try to be around as many positive people as possible.
The positive people are the ones that will encourage you to do great things. The ones that are working on great things and ignore people that want to talk about road blocks they may encounter.
Find these people, spend time with them, and actively try and pickup their attitude towards life.
I have, and my life is more enjoyable because of it.
Read/Listen to Positive Material
And stop watching the news! The news is always negative and will make you mad. When you’re mad, your life enjoyment will go down. Have you ever met someone that was happy when they were mad?
Find yourself some books, blogs, podcasts, or YouTube videos that are positive. People like Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, Dan Miller, and Hal Elrod are my favorites. If your first thought is negative towards these people then you need positivity more than you think.
Find someone you like and starting reading their books, articles, and content. You can find so much free stuff now, that you don’t even need to buy something to get started.
But, paying for a book is the way to get their best material and is the cheapest investment you can make in yourself. Once you find someone you like, buy one of their books and read or listen to it. It will make your life better.
Go Exercise Outside
You’ve probably heard most of the science behind exercise endorphins and the dopamine hit your brain gets from being outside. So no science here.
What I can tell you is this works for me. I wasn’t making it last week. My mother died and I spent almost two weeks helping my father with her death and cleaning up his house and her life. It was crushing and still is. I was going into a hole of depression and hurt. I’ve had that depression monster take over my life a couple of times and it’s horrible.
My sisters and I went for a bike ride. An easy ride outside changed my mindset. Yes, I physically hurt after the ride because I borrowed a bike and didn’t have riding shorts, gloves, or even a helmet. But my mental attitude changed for the better.
So the next day, I did it again. I was physically in pain from the day before and popped some Advil to feel better, but went. And felt even better.
You can feel better too. Go for a hard walk or something outside. Push yourself a little and it will make you feel better.
Take a Break
If you are going through crap, take a break from the crap and do something you enjoy.
Yes, it will take you twice as long to get through the crap, but your mental health will be a lot better. And your life will be better for it.
I know it sounds counter intuitive, but it try it. It will make your life better.
Celebrate Little Wins
Sometimes the smallest wins are the ones we skip. I did this for years. I just kept looking to the next thing and never stopped to celebrate.
One time I did celebrate a little win and bought the first round of drinks for people to celebrate, one guy got a DUI that night and another guy got kicked out of the program for an alcohol involved incident that we all celebrated getting into.
I’ve since got past that. And now I look at celebrating small wins.
The last two weeks with my mother’s estate needed to be wrapped up, we celebrated every phone call with the bank complete, and every account that was closed. It was a lot.
The small celebrations can keep you going towards the big goals that need to get done.
Routine
Create one! Set yourself some time limits on everything and anything you do. This doesn’t only include work, but your fun time too (make sure you put that in your routine). You can set a day a week to do anything, or a plan a weekend to go away.
But also plan to work and what stop time you will set. Set your fun time and breaks too. Those trips down social media holes… it’s okay as long as you set an end time and actually stop doing it.
Most of us, me included, work until we can’t really work anymore and then take a break. That break turns into hours because we get sucked into whatever we are doing for a break.
Don’t let that happen to you. Set a time to end everything before you begin. I can play video games all day and will if I don’t set an alarm to get back to work. On the other half, I will work until I can’t see straight and can’t think right. At that point my work sucks and it will take me three times as long to get done.
Set your times and days. Set that routine of what you will do when.
If you make it a routine it will start happening and you will enjoy your life more, get more done, and be a better person.
Eat Better
I’d love to say eat right, but who really does that?
When I have hard times the diet seems to be the first thing that goes. I eat crappy ice cream, cakes, and drink beer that I shouldn’t. I think it will make me feel better… and it does for the moment.
But like most things, the moment doesn’t last and the next day I feel like crap. If we could make decisions for the long term every time, eventually it would catch up to us and we would be happy.
We are all week sometimes, doing better next time then you did this time will make you feel better. And fueling your body with better food will make you better.
I don’t know about you, but it’s hard to stay positive when I don’t feel good.
Drink Water
Another you knew that, but sometimes we forget. I always want to drink something besides water. I love Monsters and beer, but both aren’t really good for me.
I don’t notice the first couple of days or even weeks that I don’t drink water and drink my other favorite beverages, but it comes back to haunt me sooner or later. I’ve reached the later and had to make a conscious effort to drink water over other things.
It’s a little thing like eating better, but it will help your mind, body, and soul feel better, then you can make the conscious effort to stay positive even when the world is crashing down around you.
Conclusion
I’m still working on grieving and pain. My Mom died. But working on the list above I was able to be more positive about the time I spent away from home and with family.
Honestly, now that I’m home, it’s harder than when I was taking care of problems. This week I’ve been concentrating on getting my routine going again. I feel better (making it easier to stay positive) when I get things done. My routine is how I get things done.
What about you? How do you stay positive in this crazy world we live in?
Ben Branam
P.S. Try the 75 Hard Challenge to start learning this stuff yourself. Granted I learned all of this the hard way (and am learning it again). I’m hoping you can be smarter than me and learn from my experience and not have to learn this the hard way. Sign up for the free 75 Hard starters guide here.