I almost failed today.
I had to FedEx somethings for work and drop off movies at red box we picked up two days ago.
I stood looking at the Walgreens behind the red box. All I could think of was peeps inside the store.
At first I told myself it would be okay. No one would know. And what could one slip up do anyway? It would be fine. You have cash in your wallet, just run in and grab some and run out. No one will see. No one will know.
It was like a calling. I could feel a pull and a want. I felt like a crack addict looking for a fix. I could smell it, taste it, and had to have it.
It sucked a lot! And I almost gave in. I had to will myself one little thing at a time to get away. I had to make myself turn away. I felt like a dog that just won’t give something up when the owner is pulling it away by the leash. My feet where turning away but my head was still staring at the entrance.
No look at the truck. I looked away. Then I willed myself to take one step. Then unlock the truck. Then take another. It got easier and then harder again.
I stood outside the truck just frozen. All the thoughts came rushing back to me. No one will know. It’s no big deal. Go for it.
NO! I commanded myself. Just get into the truck and then reevaluate from there.
I jumped in the truck and before I knew it, the truck was started and I locked the doors and was backing out of the stop.
I did slow down and looking longingly into the store, but kept going.
I finished my steps, finished my water, practiced, and am now righting this post.
It’s those little things that make it happen.
I feel pathetic that I had that much fight over some candy. I know the addiction to sugar is real. And I’m really having to work at it to break that. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Have a perfect diet.
I’ve never gone 75 days in my life eating well except when I did my first 75 Hard. Even 90 days of boot camp I snuck food like Private Pile (well not a donut, but still sneaking other stuff that I knew I shouldn’t have).
So here I sit… still thinking about candy. But now it’s too far for me to go get it. I’m safe for this round. I’ve won the day. One more day down, 43 to go. I’ll take them one at a time and hoping that it won’t be as hard as the one moment today.
75 Hard I will Conquer,
Ben Branam