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How to set personal boundaries and monitor them to ensure you are true to yourself
Setting personal boundaries of what you will and will not do will help you get through tough times. This blog and 75 Hard is all about setting boundaries on what you will do, but how do you set boundaries on what you won’t do?
We all have lines that can’t be crossed and that we don’t want to cross. You have those things that you won’t do and those things that you won’t let happen.
After being a Marine for 10 years and fighting terrorists for half of that, I won’t let a terror attack happen in front of me without doing something, unless my family is there. If my family is there, they come first. I know it seems simple, but having those lines drawn well in advance of the situation allows you to act faster and in ways that align with your beliefs.
Terrorism is an extreme example in which you will probably never be in, but there are far smaller things that people say they will never do and then end up doing.
Cheating is the easiest example to draw on. Most of us say we will never cheat on our significant other or long-term relationship, but the numbers show that lots of people do. Are all these people liars or just don’t care about their relationships or did they get caught in a situation that they hadn’t planned on?
I want to believe that it’s the former because I want to believe that most people are good. So for you, how can you make sure you don’t end up as one of those persons? And not just in cheating but in other things where you want to draw a line?
Two thoughts and ways to make sure you don’t end up where you don’t want to be: Be above reproach, and plan to set your limit far before the boundary you are trying to hold.
Being above reproach means that no one can even accuse you of doing that thing because you are never in a situation where it could happen. Back to the cheating example, if you were never alone with someone else that could become a relationship, no one could ever even accuse you of doing any cheating.
My Pastor at Revolution Church of Schertz does this by not even being alone in an elevator with another woman that isn’t his wife. He won’t have a meeting with a woman without a trusted confidant there to make sure there is nothing going on that shouldn’t be.
By actively taking what seems like extreme measures it would be almost impossible for him to cheat on his wife. He makes it that way on purpose because he has decided in advance that he will not cheat.
Setting the boundaries far before the event requires planning. If you decide you aren’t going to drink, maybe you should plan to meet friends someplace besides the bar. Or, if you can handle it, plan to drink soda and make sure the bar you are going to has it before you go.
You have to set those lines back far enough so you are tempted. And that means knowing yourself and using it against you to help you.
I know that ice cream is my thing. I love it and will eat as much as I can get my hands on it. If I’m on my diet plan, ice cream is most definitely not on it. I will set myself up for success by knowing that if I go to the ice cream shop with friends and/or family, I will order something. So I simply will try and go someplace else with friends and family, or I won’t go. I’ll just stay at home.
These measures all seem extreme and easy. If you want to be successful at setting personal boundaries you have to move those lines back further than you think you should to ensure that you don’t stumble over the that line by accident or happenstance.
Stay Hard,
Ben Branam
75Hard.Biz